Sirach 3:2-6,12-14
Col 3:12-17
Mt 2:13-15,19-23
Bishop Untener's Homily
The Holy Family has sort of a zigzagged history in Matthew's account of those early days in their family life. It starts, as you recall, with a near divorce on Joseph's part. Then, shortly after the birth of Jesus they have to flee from Bethlehem and go to Egypt. After a stay there, they head back to Bethlehem, but on the way they discover that Herod's son is as bad as his father, so they change their plans and go north to Nazareth.
I doubt that there's a family here that doesn't have a zigzagged history. I'm including extended families in this - families with adult sons and daughters, plus in-laws, grandchildren, stepchildren, and all the rest. Shakespeare said it well: "The way of true love never did go smooth."
Back to the family of Jesus. They went to Nazareth, and that's where he grew up. As best we can figure, the hill town of Nazareth at that time had a population of about a hundred. Back then, small towns were made up of people who were members of the same clan, that is, the same extended family. Houses in those towns were very small and close together for protection. Jesus grew up in the close quarters of an extended family. So, we can delete from our mental image the picture of Jesus growing up in the quiet company of Mary and Joseph . . . with Mary cooking dinner and Joseph making a chair in his carpenter shop. No. They were thrown together with aunts, uncles cousins, in-laws, and they faced the usual challenges of trying to get along.
If, over the holidays, you had a large family gathering, then you experienced what Jesus experienced in his day-to-day life.
I was at a gathering of my family one time. It was after dinner, later in the evening, and we were sitting around talking, some over here, some over there. One of my sisters said to me, "Ken, do you think that most families, when they plan to get together with one another during the holidays . . . do you think they look forward to it, or do you think they find it something difficult?"
It wasn't as though she had a definite answer on this. She asked it as a real question, and wondered what my opinion would be. I told her that I had never quite thought of it before. So, we began talking about it. We both felt more or less - "On the one hand . . ." and "On the other hand . . ." We could both think of lots of situations in which family members might not look forward to it. You worry about so-and-so who might drink too much. And, some marriages have had problems and things can be touchy. And, there are some aunts and uncles who never did get along. On the other hand, there is a lot of goodness in every family.
There probably are some people who don't look forward to a family gathering, and others who do. I'd like to think that most people look forward to it.
Sometimes when we think of "family" we picture a mother and father and two or three small children - a quiet, compact family that you see in so many family pictures. But that is the shortest phase in family life and really doesn't last long. The normal and longest phase is the adult family, and it's the most challenging phase. It requires a lot of virtue, a lot of small kindnesses that you hope will have an effect, but maybe they won't. You just try to be patient and understanding, and you do your best. You can't take over other people's lives, or evaluate them and tell them to improve, as in an employer-employee relationship. You just do your best to be kind.
There's a famous poem by Robert Frost about the death of the hired hand. A man and a woman are on the porch of their farmhouse talking about an old hired hand who had returned that day, went to sleep in the barn, and died there. He had come home to die. The farm couple on the porch was talking about whether or not the old man had a home he could have gone to, and then they start talking about what it means to have a home. The man says: "Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.". The woman says, "I should have called it something you somehow haven't to deserve."
I think the woman caught the heart of it. Home is the place where you receive a love and acceptance you don't have to earn.
On this Holy Family Sunday we remember that Jesus was part of an extended family, and that Jesus had a place he called home. It helps to realize that he experienced all that goes with this - the give and take, the imperfect relationships, and the need for patience, acceptance, and kindness.
Our second Scripture reading today puts it very well:
"Brothers and sisters: Put on, as God's chosen ones . . . heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love."
And the prayer after Communion is one we can say from the heart: "O God, we want to live as Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, in peace with you and one another. May this communion strengthen us to face the troubles of life." Amen.
Originally given on December 30, 2001